What is Stalking?

The word “stalking” is one that is often thrown around in a way that has served to downplay the severity of the crime. When your friend tells you that she, “stalked his social media,” after she browsing the profile of a guy she exchanged her information with last week, or your neighbor jokingly calling you a stalker when you see him at the store, it all feels harmless. When a word is misused, regardless of what the intention is, it begins to murk the waters and make it unclear what we mean when we use it in any context. It can make survivors second guess themselves, and make it easier for perpetrators to rationalize their behavior to themselves. So, what does stalking look like, and what truly “counts” as stalking?

Defining Stalking

Survivors.org defines stalking as a type of harassment directed at an individual involving persistent, repeated contact and attention. However, the legal definition of stalking can vary state to state, and oftentimes these definitions do not serve to protect survivors. Stalking can be defined as a legal term, and as a social/interpersonal one as well. There are critical differences in all of these definitions, when and where they are used, and what they mean for survivors. However, it is necessary to first emphasize that stalking behaviors that do not fit the legal definition of stalking where a survivor lives are valid.

Oftentimes, people point to the legal definition to determine what “counts” as stalking. However, this definition isn’t intended to be used in our interpersonal relationships and social life, it is meant to provide a consistent application of the law in any given jurisdiction. It answers the general question of, “can the state punish this?” If we rely on the legal system to shape what we consider stalking in our lived reality, the logic doesn’t hold up. These definitions can vary greatly between jurisdiction. It doesn’t make sense for the exact same behaviors to be stalking in one state, but magically not in another, simply because of the geographical location. It shouldn’t be the case that the legal system fails to fully protect survivors in this way.

Whether or not something is legal doesn’t determine if it is harmful, traumatic, or if the survivors are deserving of support. Legality also doesn’t dictate what is moral or reflect what should or shouldn’t be illegal. It is necessary to recognize that there is a difference in how the legal system handles stalking and how we should respond to it socially, interpersonally, and morally.

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Prevalence

Stalking is much more common than we realize, and anyone can be a perpetrator or a victim. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men state that they have experienced stalking in their lifetime. Out of these individuals, more than half stated the stalking happened before the age of 25, and 25% were stalked while they were a minor. Out of all adults, those aged 18-24 experience the highest rates of stalking.¹

It is a common misconception that stalkers are strangers lurking in the shadows. In reality, more often than not, stalkers are someone the survivor knows at some level. 40% of stalkers are either current or former intimate partners and 42% of stalkers are acquaintances.¹  People aren’t just stalked in-person. 80% of stalking victim-survivors report being stalked online.²

Stalking and Intent

Stalking doesn’t necessarily mean that the stalker is intending to cause harm, or even to make direct contact with the survivor. Stalkers sometimes believe that they are acting in good faith. They may have the belief that the victim-survivor wants to see or hear from them, or that they are ultimately doing good by trying to be in their life, such as believing they are “meant” to be together. This makes it easy for stalkers to challenge or dispel any claims that they are intending to cause the victim-survivor emotional distress, which can make legal intervention harder in states that have intent clauses in their stalking laws.

Some stalkers want the survivor to think about them and stay on their mind. Other stalkers want to harm the reputation of the survivor out of retaliation. There are different kinds of stalkers who have different motivations. Regardless, these actions do cause harm, and whether or not the harm is intentional does not change the fact that harm was done. Stalking is never okay regardless of intent.

What Can Stalking Look Like?

Unwanted Contact

It is common for stalkers to repeatedly contact the survivor through different avenues. It is stalking when the individual repeatedly attempts contact despite being asked to stop or should reasonably understand that the survivor is not interested in contact, such as not receiving any response. A stalker may try to contact the survivor by:

• Sending texts, calls, emails, or social media messages
• Threats of physical harm
• Leaving letters for the survivor
• Sending others to contact the survivor on their behalf
• Contacting friends, family, or the survivor’s place of work
• Approaching the survivor in public
• Sending gifts
• Leaving signs that they have been around

While it can be helpful for a legal case if the survivor explicitly asks the stalker to cease contact, they may not feel safe to do so. It is never the survivor’s fault that they are being stalked, whether or not they communicate directly that they’d like the behavior to stop. Not responding to the stalker after repeated attempts to make contact is itself a response.

Following

Stalkers may also follow the survivor so that they can physically observe them or attempt to contact them. Stalkers may follow the survivor by:

• Appearing in places the survivor frequents
• Waiting outside of their home, work, or school
• Driving past the survivor’s house
• Learning and following their daily routine
• Attempting to break into their home or entering their property

Cyber-stalking

Cyber-stalking refers to a type of harassment directed at an individual involving persistent, repeated contact and attention that happens online or through the use of technology. Cyber-stalking can look like, but is not limited to:

• Monitoring social media profiles
• Using spyware
• Planting a listening, recording, or tracking device
• Unwanted contact through text, calls, emails, or social media messages
• Sending threats through text, calls, emails, or social media messages
• Gathering and/or posting personal information of the victim online
• Posting defamatory information online in order to incite harassment
• Inciting harassment and/or sending others to repeatedly contact the victim online
• Sending a large number of texts or making many phone calls over a short period of time
• Obsessively posting about the survivor

These are not all of the actions that constitute stalking, however, they provide examples of different tactics a stalker may use. Stalking is serious, even if those around the victim-survivor do not take it seriously. It is a form of abuse and can have a serious impact on those who are stalked. Anyone experiencing stalking at any level deserves support and access to resources.

Sources

1. Smith, S.G., Basile, K.C., & Kresnow, M. (2022). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2016/2017 Report on Stalking. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease control and Prevention.
2. Morgan, Rachel E. and Jennifer L. Truman, Ph.D. (2022, Feb). Stalking Victimization, 2019. U.S. Department of Justice. https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/sv19.pdf

Support Is Available

SPARC

SPARC (Stalking Prevention Awareness and Resource Center) is a federally funded project providing education and resources about the crime of stalking. SPARC aims to enhance the response to stalking by educating the professionals tasked with keeping stalking victims safe and holding offenders accountable. SPARC ensures that allied professionals have the specialized knowledge to identify and respond to the crime of stalking.

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WomensLaw.org

Despite its name, WomensLaw.org provides information that is relevant to all victims and survivors. Our Email Hotline will provide legal information to anyone who reaches out with legal questions or concerns regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, or any other topic covered on WomensLaw.org.

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Victim Connect

Victim Connect works to help those with anxiety, depression, works to prevent  suicide, domestic violence, and sexual abuse. They help locate services that can help you or a loved one after experiencing a crime. Victim Connect provides information about different types of crime and steps you can take after experiencing them.

Phone: 1-855-498-4846

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