“Victim” or “Survivor?”

What Do I Call Someone Who Has Experienced Sexual, Domestic, or Intimate Partner Violence?

When referring to people who have experienced sexual assault, intimate partner violence, or domestic violence, it can be difficult to know what term to use. Different words have different connotations and implications, and all people have a different relationship with what they experienced. Two of the most common terms used are “victim” and “survivor.”

Why Might Some People Dislike “Victim?”

Even though, by definition, the term victim simply means, “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action,”¹ it carries certain connotations that people may not want to identify with. 

Assumed Helplessness

Firstly, some people associate victimhood with helplessness. Take a look at synonyms for the word “victim” and you will find words such as “sufferer,” “casualty,” “loser,” “prey,” “target,” and “fool.” Sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence are crimes of power, and those who have been harmed by such acts may want to use a term that makes them feel that they are taking that power back, such as “survivor.” Some believe that identifying as a “victim” puts the focus on the actions of the perpetrator, while terms such as “survivor” honor the difficulties the individual harmed has endured.

Negative Perceptions of Victimhood

Secondly, identifying as a “victim” has been interpreted by many as a form of self-pity or a way to seek attention. Think of terminology like “playing the victim,” “victim mentality,” or “victimhood culture.” Shaming those who label themselves as a “victim” is another way that people victim-blame. People who have had these experiences are valid for feeling sorry for themselves because of what happened, and if they want it, these events do deserve attention because what happened is significant. Feeling sorry for oneself has negative connotations, when in reality, it is actually an important part of the healing process for them to fully acknowledge the devastation they feel after trauma. Unfortunately, as a result of these societal beliefs about victimhood, we have seen a wave of people who have experienced sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence stray away from identifying as a “victim.”

Why Might Some People Prefer “Victim?”

Avoids Toxic Positivity

Identifying as a “victim” does not mean one is wallowing in self-pity to the point where their healing process is obstructed. Some people don’t like the term “survivor” because they view it as a form of toxic positivity, a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality. Some messaging in recent years has suggested that identifying as a “victim” impedes the healing process due to the word’s association with powerlessness, and identifying as a “survivor” is more empowering. 

Encouraging those who have experienced sexual violence to use an empowering label in relation to sexual violence can play into the notion that those who have experienced sexual assault, domestic violence, and intimate partner violence need to experience post-traumatic growth. Some may feel pressure to become better and stronger than they were before because of what they endured. Not only is this a lot to expect from someone, but healing doesn’t always mean they are “better off” than before. For some, “survivor” can imply the notion that “everything happens for a reason,” which is a very upsetting concept for many, because in reality, no one should go through these things or needs to have these experiences in order to become who they are “meant to be.” It is not bad to feel sorry for oneself after enduring violence or abuse.

Validates Victimization

Some do feel more empowered by the term “victim.” Many people who have experienced these crimes aren’t allowed to go through the process of acknowledging and grieving that they were victimized, due to the way people around them respond. It is not uncommon for others in the person’s life to tell them to move on, or to deny that they were victimized at all, having their experience completely invalidated by those who don’t believe them. For some people, identifying as a “victim” allows them to acknowledge the victimhood that so many people have not let them claim.

Why Might Some People Prefer “Survivor?”

There are also many reasons why someone may identify as a “survivor” rather than a “victim.” The term “survivor” has overall positive connotations. Take a look at synonyms for the word “survivor” and you will find terms such as “victor,” “conqueror,” “overcomer,” “fighter,” “tough-cookie,” and “vanquisher.” 

Acknowledges Strength

For some, they do feel held back by the term “victim” and want to acknowledge the power and strength it took for them to get through that experience. Sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence can be life-threatening. Even if their life wasn’t in danger, they may have felt as though their life was over due to what happened. They may want to label themselves as a “survivor” as to say, “look, I survived that” as a testament to their resilience. 

Forward Movement

For a long time, sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence were portrayed as traumatic events that destroy a person, that they will never be the same and will always be overcome with the negative effects the violence had on their lives. This messaging is still seen today, and it is a very demeaning and harmful way to portray anyone who has experienced a traumatic event. Some want to identify as a “survivor” to acknowledge that sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and domestic violence do not define one’s life and it is possible to lead a fulfilling life after these experiences.

Why Might Some People Dislike “Survivor?”

As mentioned above, some may not prefer the term “survivor” because it can feel toxically positive and invalidating to their victimhood. Additionally, there are other reasons why some may not like the term “survivor.” 

Not Empowering Enough

The term “survivor” isn’t necessarily about empowerment, resilience, or thriving after a trauma for everyone who identifies with it, but rather an acknowledgement that they are still here. A mentality of, “I’m not doing great, but I survived the fire and I’m chugging along.” This perspective of the term “survivor” is also why some choose to identify as “thrivers” or “warriors,” because they feel limited by the notion that they simply just survived what happened.

Excludes Those Who Are Still Being Abused

The word “survivor” implies that the abuse or violence is in the past. However, when we are talking about sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence as a whole, it’s important to acknowledge those who are still experiencing abuse and include them in conversations and resources. Due to the associations the term has with strength and empowerment, those who are still experiencing violence may not identify with the term “survivor.”

Excludes Those Who Did Not Survive

It is devastating, but true, that some people do not survive sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence. When we are talking about sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence as societal issues, it’s important to acknowledge those who lost their lives due to violence and abuse.

Labels are a Personal Decision

The labels one uses for themselves may also be related to where they are in their healing process. Someone may identify as a “victim” at first, but after some time of healing they may feel like a “survivor.” Some may flip back and forth, or identify as both, which is where the term “victim-survivor” comes into play. The term “victim-survivor” has become more common in recent years and holds space for the complexities of experiencing sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence.

Some people don’t want to use any label, and that’s okay too. Labels hold more weight for some people than others, and some may not want to connect the experience of sexual, domestic, or intimate partner violence to their identity. Those who have yet to label their experiences of sexual, domestic, or intimate partner violence as such will also not identify with labels.

At the end of the day, whatever label anyone uses to describe themselves in relation to their experience with sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and/or domestic violence is okay. There is no right or wrong way, and one term doesn’t make someone better or stronger than those who use a different term. Whether they’re a “victim,” “survivor,” “victim-survivor,” “thriver,” “warrior,” or anything else, they deserve to heal and receive support along the way. It’s always best to ask someone what label they prefer, if any at all. When referring to those who have experienced sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and/or domestic violence as a collective, survivor or victim-survivor tend to be the preferred terms.

Sources

1. Oxford University Press. (n.d.). Victim. In Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary. Retrieved January 16, 2025, from https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/victim?q=victim