The “Perfect Victim” Myth

The “perfect victim” is a common victim-blaming myth that has a negative effect on survivors. The perfect victim is an archetype outlining how a survivor “should” act during and after experiencing violence or abuse. These notions are often used to discredit, blame, and shame survivors who do not fit this narrow description, despite the fact that “the perfect victim” archetype fails to consider many trauma responses. In reality, there is no “right” way to respond during or after an act of sexual violence.

What does the “perfect victim” look like?

Survivors are often painted as innocent, good people in all aspects of their lives, and if they aren’t, the legitimacy of their experience is called into question. Far too often, people choose to not believe a survivor simply because they like the person being accused of sexual violence and dislike the person who has come forward. They may not believe the survivor because they were mean to them, have questionable morals, or have caused harm to others in the past.

However, we don’t have to like someone in order to believe that something bad happened to them. People can be bad people or do bad things and still be survivors of sexual violence. Similarly, someone can be kind and caring in other aspects of their life or to other people and still commit sexual assault. Choosing to only believe survivors we like harms survivors as a whole.

Survivors who were under the influence of alcohol or drugs at the time of the assault are often blamed for “letting their guard down.” Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to hear others express that the survivor should have anticipated the assault. In reality, nobody deserves to get sexually assaulted just because they are under the influence of substances. Additionally, substances are often used to facilitate a sexual assault by incapacitating the victim or by coercing them to say “yes” when they would not have otherwise said “yes.” Alcohol and drug-facilitated sexual assault are very common, with 75% of survivors in college reporting that they were under the influence of substances during the assault.1

Studies show that an estimated 80% of survivors are sexually assaulted by someone they know.2  However, many people still believe the myth that sexual assault is perpetrated by strangers using physical force. Survivors who knew the perpetrator before the assault are often victim-blamed by being told they were “sending mixed signals” or otherwise doing something to invite the assault. Those who victim-blame survivors also often believe the myth that sexual assault allegations are made as a way to retaliate against the person being accused, get attention, or receive financial compensation. Survivors who knew the perpetrator before the assault face these accusations more often than those who do not. 

Another commonly held myth is that sexual violence cannot happen when people are in an intimate or romantic relationship with one another. Being in a relationship does not mean someone has consent in perpetuity. The reality is an estimated 39% of women and 13% of men who have been sexually assaulted were assaulted by an intimate partner.2

“Innocent until proven guilty” is a common response when someone is accused of sexual assault. While this is important when it comes to the legal process, whether or not we personally believe a survivor should not require a level of evidence that a courtroom would find sufficient for a conviction. 

People often ask the survivor to produce evidence, even though it is unclear what evidence others would consider sufficient. Yet, when they do provide it, oftentimes it is still not enough. Survivors who documented their abuse may be called into question for documenting it in the first place, sometimes being accused of being “in on it” or conspiring against the person.

The ways people respond in highly stressful and threatening situations are automatic, biologically hardwired responses that we have little to no control over. The most common threat responses are fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.3 Regardless, survivors are often victim-blamed if their response was not to fight back or get away. It is assumed that if they were truly in danger, they would have fought back or tried to get away. In reality, we do not know how we will respond to danger until we actually are in danger.

Survivors are often expected to be crying and outwardly terrified after the assault. While some survivors may feel this way, others may feel completely numb, some may try to convince themselves that what happened wasn’t assault, and some may continue on for a while without feeling or expressing strong emotions. Everyone responds differently when something bad happens, and no response is right or wrong or has anything to do with the legitimacy of the experience.

Survivors are expected to remember every detail of what happened perfectly, without any minor error, otherwise the entirety of their experience is dismissed. In reality, people forget things or get minor details about an experience wrong all the time, despite the fact that their experience did really happen. Additionally, due to trauma, survivors often have a harder time recalling traumatic events.4 

Despite the fact that the majority of survivors do not report the assault, they are often dismissed if they didn’t report the assault or if they waited to report.5 They are often told that they are responsible for “stopping the perpetrator” from perpetrating again by reporting. In reality, the reporting process and everything that follows it can be a traumatic event itself. Some survivors may not be ready to do so immediately, or ever. It is perfectly okay and valid for a survivor to decide that involving the police in what happened will not serve them in recovery. No one is responsible for stopping the perpetrator from harming again other than the perpetrator themselves, and survivors should not bear that burden.

If the survivor does report the assault, but nothing happens or the perpetrator is found “not guilty,” others may treat them as though they were lying. There are many reasons why police do not pursue charges in sexual assault cases, none of which reflect the validity or reality of what happened. Additionally, someone can be found “not guilty” for a crime they did commit if not enough evidence exists or meets the standards of a court. Only 2.8% of all perpetrators of sexual assault receive a conviction.5

Survivors are often depicted as timid individuals who hide their body with their clothing. It is a common victim-blaming myth that survivors who wear clothes that show a lot of skin are to blame if a sexual assault happens. Therefore, it is also assumed that those who have been sexually assaulted are uncomfortable showing their body, and those that do show their body couldn’t possibly be survivors. In reality, everyone feels differently about their body after sexual assault and the way they dress is not related to the validity of their experience.

In a similar vein, sex-workers are oftentimes treated as though they do not need to provide consent, or that they were “asking for it” due to their job. In reality, sex-work is a consensual practice and sex-workers can be sexually assaulted.

Despite the fact that at least 23.6% of women and 10.9% of men have been sexually coerced, many people do not even consider it to be sexual assault unless there was physical force.2 There are many reasons why someone may say “yes” out of fear or survival, and that is not consensual.

In the media, survivors of sexual assault are often potrayed as young, white, heterosexual cisgender women. While these individuals do experience high rates of sexual violence, research shows that there is also a high rate of BIPOC survivors.2 Those who belong to a minority group, particularly multiple minority groups, are at high risk for experiencing sexual violence.6

Basing whether or not one chooses to believe a survivor on how well they fit the perfect victim archetype is not true allyship to survivors. By holding survivors to such a high standard and withholding support, it becomes harder for survivors to speak out and get the support they deserve. Every survivor deserves support, regardless of whether or not they resemble the “perfect victim.”

Sources
  1. Cantor, D., Fisher, B., Chibnall, S., & Harps, S. (2020). AAU Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Assault and Misconduct . https://www.aau.edu/sites/default/files/AAU-Files/Key-Issues/Campus-Safety/Revised%20Aggregate%20report%20%20and%20appendices%201-7_(01-16-2020_FINAL).pdf
  2. Basile, K.C., Smith, S.G., Kresnow, M., Khatiwada S., & Leemis, R.W. (2022). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2016/2017 Report on Sexual Violence. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
  3. Chapter 4: How the Brain Copes with Different Types of Trauma. (2024). Understanding PTSD, 27–38. https://doi.org/10.1515/9781501519857-005
  4. American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
  5. Tapp, S., & Coen, E. (2024). National Crime Victimization Survey. U.S. Department of Justice.
  6. National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP). (2016). Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and HIV-Affected Intimate Partner Violence in 2015. New York, NY: Emily Waters.

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