Sexual Violence Against Men and Boys

Far too often, issues of sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence are portrayed as solely a woman’s problem. In reality, people of all genders experience violence, and all of them deserve to be believed when they disclose and receive equal access to resources. However, many resources are still solely centered around women and children, leaving men who have experienced sexual, domestic, and/or intimate partner violence with little support. 

This is especially concerning when considering research that indicates at least 23% of men have experienced unwanted sexual contact in their lifetime, 11% have experienced sexual harassment, and 44% have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.¹ However, researchers assume that sexual, domestic, and intimate partner violence against men are vastly underreported, primarily due to the influence of gender roles. Additionally, misconceptions about sexual assault itself leads some people to believe that it is not possible for men to be sexually assaulted.

The Influence of Gender Roles

Traditional gender roles equate masculinity with certain traits that lead people to believe that men cannot experience sexual violence. The rigid guidelines on how men should act are known as toxic masculinity, which is harmful to both men and those around them. Toxic masculinity makes it hard for men to disclose or seek resources after they’ve been sexually assaulted. 

Men as Dominant

Gender roles portray men as dominant and physically strong, leading some people to doubt or blame the survivor if the perpetrator was physically weaker than them. This belief stems from the rape myth that sexual assault happens by physical force, when sexual assault by coercion is actually very common. At least 46% of teen boys and college men report experiencing sexual coercion in their lifetime.² Additionally, people do not always respond to sexual violence by physically fighting back or getting away. Freeze and fawn are both threat responses that are valid and have no relation to physical strength or dominance.

Men as Hypersexual

Another false belief is that men are hypersexual, as in, they are always seeking out and open to having sex. This can lead to the incredibly harmful insinuation that men who are sexually assaulted, particularly by women, are “lucky” or “should have enjoyed it.” As a result, many people believe that men cannot be sexually assaulted at all, or that being sexually assaulted indicates that they are “not a man.” 

Men as Unemotional

Traditional gender roles also indicate that outwardly expressing any emotion, aside from aggression, is emasculating. This makes it harder for them to disclose, report, and/or seek support. Men are often conditioned to “be a man” and keep their emotions inside, which makes it harder for them to heal after sexual assault.

Gendered Resources

Getting support after experiencing sexual violence can add additionaly barriers for male survivors. Many of the organizations that provide resources to survivors have the word “women” in them, whether or not they only provide services to women. Even if they do provide services to all genders, the term “women” in the organization’s name can still deter male survivors. Many survivor spaces, such as support groups or shelters, only provide resources to women and girls. Some shelters will only allow boys up to a certain age, putting the boys and their families at risk. Some support groups only allow women, or are primarily made up of women, which can further ostricize male survivors. Despite the fact that many support groups for survivors only allow women, there are not enough support groups that are dedicated to men to fill the gap.

Sexual Assault Myths

Myth: Men Cannot Be Sexually Assaulted

Some people falsely believe that men cannot be sexually assaulted at all, or that they can only be sexually assaulted by other men. Some also believe that sexual assault only involves penetration, when sexual assault actually includes any kind of non-consensual physical sexual act. The act does not need to be penetrative in order to be an act of sexual assault. Groping, or making physical contact with an intimate body part, is also a form of sexual assault. Additionally, sexual assault does not always involve genitals, and may involve other intimate body parts. It also does not need to involve body-to-body contact, the use of an object to make non-consensual physical sexual contact is also sexual assault.

Myth: Sexual Assault is Only Penetrative

However, because people think sexual assault is only penetrative, they also wrongly assume that a man must be sexually aroused in order to penetrate, leading them to conclude that men cannot be sexually assaulted. Someone can be sexually aroused and still not want to have sex. Research has found that 1 in 9 men have been made to penetrate someone else in their lifetime.¹ Someone can also become physically aroused when their genitals are stimulated, whether or not they actually want to have sex. Bodies respond to stimulation, and unwanted physiological responses, such as an erection, does not equate to consent. Due to these misconceptions, people incorrectly believe that men cannot be sexually assaulted.

When society assumes that men cannot be sexually assaulted, this effects how we raise boys and how we talk to them about sexual violence. In general, boys are often spoken to about sexual violence with the assumption that they are more likely to be a perpetrator or bystander. Unfortunately, boys are less likely to be taught what sexual assault looks like, making it harder for them to identify it if they are sexually assaulted.

Myth: Sexual Assault By a Man Means that a Male Victim-Survivor is Gay

If the perpetrator was also a man, male survivors may fear that others will assume their sexuality if they choose to disclose. They may fear homophobic remarks in response to the disclosure, whether or not they identify as homosexual. If they do identify as homosexual, people in their life may make the incorrect and homophobic assumption that the sexual assault made them gay. Transgender men also face similar, transphobic rhetoric that a sexual assault made them transition. In reality, sexual assault says nothing about the survivor’s sexuality or gender identity.

Intersectionality

These issues can be compounded when the male survivor belongs to one or more minority groups. Different cultures have different expectations on men and boys, which can shape their relationships with their gender and sexuality. Additionally, minority groups face different stereotypes. For example, men of color are often portrayed as more likely to commit sexual assault, which can then make it hard for them to come forward as a survivor. Or, LGBTQIA+ men may hesitate to report and seek support if the perpetrator was also LGBTQIA+ due to heinous stereotypes portraying the community as sexually deviant and predatory.

Vulnerability of teenage boys

Grooming

When boys receive the message that their sexual activity directly relates to their worth and social status, they can become more vulnerable to grooming. Their peers, and even adults, may praise them when they engage in sexual acts with those older than them, a phenomenon that is seen more often with boys than girls. Harmful ideas about gender have made sexual violence against women and girls seem more serious than sexual violence against men and boys, when in reality, all of it is serious.

Hazing

Hazing is a practice that is common among boys and young men where peers are pressured into performing humiliating/harmful acts to “prove themselves.” It can intersect with sexual violence in various ways, such as acts of sexualized violence directed towards peers, encouraging peers to commit sexual assault, and/or encouraging the over-consumption of substances. Those who are sexually assaulted as a result of hazing may downplay what happened to maintain their social status, or may not have the tools to correctly label the experience as sexual violence.

Anyone can experience sexual, domestic, and/or intimate partner violence, and having those experiences says nothing about the victim-survivor who experienced them. Boys and men belong in the survivor community and deserve to be believed. They should have the same level of access to resources and receive the same education as those who do not identify as a man.

Support Is Available

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Sources

1. Leemis R.W., Friar N., Khatiwada S., Chen M.S., Kresnow M., Smith S.G., Caslin, S., & Basile, K.C. (2022). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2016/2017 Report on Intimate Partner Violence. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
2. French, B. H., Tilghman, J. D., & Malebranche, D. A. (2015). Sexual coercion context and psychosocial correlates among diverse males. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 16(1), 42–53. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035915