“I Didn’t Think It Would Happen a Second Time” by Anonymous

I didn’t think it would happen a second time. I thought if I was careful, self-protective, more aware, I’d be safe. But I laid there, frozen, almost corpse-like, as he violated me. It wasn’t until after that I recognized what had occurred, like a spirit re-entering a body, gasping for the air I had lost.

It’s difficult to process, even more when you try to ignore it. To move forward. Because, well, your brain may try to move forward, but your body still feels… off.

That’s the beautiful thing about the body. It feels with you. Your mind and body are connected in a whimsical dance of life. When you think back to your favorite childhood memory, your body also feels at ease. And vice versa. When you prick your finger, it hurts, but you feel that discomfort, that ick, mentally.

That is the mind-body connection. Which is why when I feel most tense, anxious, overwhelmed, I focus my energy on my body—What part of my body feels good? What part feels most at ease? What part feels tense, and how can we relax more?

So although I’d just like to move forward, the memories bring about discomfort in my body. A feeling I cannot ignore. I feel tense. I feel angry. I clench my jaws and grab at my skin… every time I remember. My body has been violated. My mind lost control.

But let’s recenter.

As I loosen my jaw, slouch a little, take deeper breaths, I connect more to my body. I feel with her in order to heal with her. With each movement, I remind myself of the present moment. I am safe, I am loved, I am cared for.

I must grasp at anything that makes me feel a little less dark… even the faintest sources of light. With the friends and family who show me unconditional love, I am whole. At this moment, I hold them close to my heart and feel the joy they bring me.

-Anonymous